Katara & Kayla: A Close Encounter of the First Kind

“Excuse me, um excuse me. Yes, you up there. You just broke wind and it landed in my face.”

“Wow, you’re up. You know, sometimes I try to wake you and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I think about leaving you a note but then I think and then I’m like sometimes not. And sometimes…”

“Wait, wait what do you call yourself?”

“Hmm, I’ve never thought to call myself anything. I mean who really does that? How would you do that? Would you point to yourself and say hey you?”

“Right, so your name would be?”

“Umm, I’ve heard a couple of names since I’ve been in this place. Sometimes I like Janet and sometimes not. Sometimes I like Shayla and sometimes not. Sometimes I like Kayla and…”

“Kayla! Let’s go with Kayla.”

“Oh, what are you going with?”

“I’ve come to terms with Katara.”

“What terms did you two agree to?”

“What? No, I like the name Katara. Call me Katara.”

“Katara.”

“Yes?”

“You told me to call you Katara, Katara.”

“Yeah, so like I said Kayla, you broke wind and it landed on my face.”

“Hmm, I don’t remember breaking anything since I’ve been in here. Where is it?”

“Where is what?”

“The wind I broke, hate to leave it just laying around like that.”

“You passed gas, you farted, tooted, whatever you’d like to call it and it stank.”

“Katara, why didn’t you just say that? Well, I apologize. My butt has a mind of its own.”

“Well Kayla, atleast part of your body does.?

“Does what?”

“Does have a mind. Anyway, I know it’s kind of cramped in here, but I’d also appreciate it if you kept your toes out of my back.”

“Sure, as long as you agree to keep your back out of my toes. Seems only fair.”

“Yeah, Kayla I’m going to get something to eat.”

“Really? Where are u going Katara? I’ve been wondering how to get out of here.”

“Yeah, good luck with that. I was just going to order in.”

“You can place an order? This whole time I’ve just been tugging and taking whatever comes. How do you order?”

“I was being facetious.”

“Really? I thought you were Katara?”

“I am Katara.”

“Ooh, I want two names too. Help me come up  with another one, but nothing so difficult to say as Facetious.”

“Look Kayla, I’m going to to eat and take a nap. Nice speaking with you.”

“Yeah, you too. What about Aliyah? Kayla Aliyah, doesn’t that sound nice?”

“Goodnight Kayla.”

“Night Night Katara Facetious.”

That Warm Place: Katara's Tale

    I can’t believe her toe is still in my back. She’s always sleeping. I kick to try and wake her up but she doesn’t wake. I might have to leave her a note. There’s really not enough room in this place. Warm and cozy yes, spacious no. Next time, I will have the good sense to consult a realtor. Another day, another series of events to create.

    First things first, I have to eat. The rumbling within me is drowning out the normal dad um dad um that plays on the surround sound. It’s a bit repetitive but it works. I’ll tug on the string to get some food. Pretty quick service but the food selection seems a bit limited, usually chicken. So much chicken, one day I thought I was clucking. It turned out to be a false alarm, just hiccups. Hmm, yup chicken again. Really, I’m scared to see how many chickens are just walking around outside of this place. They must out number people. What if they decide to form a union and have a coup de grace? Now that would be scary. Maybe I should just stay in here because that’s bound to happen someday and on that day, it’s got to be safer in here.

    If I ever meet the manager of this place, I’m filing a complaint. I mean I understand it’s a recession but that’s no excuse for overcrowding. In fact, I think there’s a legal limit to the amount of people that can be housed in one facility. I believe that was covered in Roe vs. Wade.  It’s a shame when the law isn’t followed. Perhaps that and the horrible over eating chicken epidemic are the two saddest occurrences of our time.

    Well, there’s one sadder goings on, and that’s the fact that my roommate has a sleep disorder.  I believe it’s called Immalaziousis. I mean really, how many sheep can one count in a day? It seems like her sheep are stuck on replay. Those poor sheep. Actually, her sheep need to form a union and discuss higher compensation. Leaping over fences can’t be easy. If it were, hurdling would be an Olympic sport.

    We have this great warm swimming pool at our disposal and all she sees are the insides of her eye lids. Hopefully, I won’t have to see her again if I get out of this place. And if I find out she has left a toe print on my back I will sue for emotional duress and battery with the intent to imprint. I would love to go for a swim right now but when I move one way I either hit a hard place or this beanie bag looking thing. And when I try to go the other direction, I meet my roommate’s butt. Oh gross she just blew air in my face. That’s it! I’m waking this Immalaziousis alimented person up!

That Warm Place: Kayla's Rant

Man, I can’t wait to get out of here. It’s nice and warm but too crowded and wet. I can’t stretch my legs or arms cause I have a roommate. Who puts two things in the same place? I don’t put two fingers in my mouth at the same time. I don’t put two toes in my mouth at the same time. I mean who really does that? Well, there are two lips on my face that are in the same place but I don’t think I put them there. Did I? Hmm, I’ll work on that later. I keep kicking in here hoping someone will hear me and let me out. Sometimes I hear something but who knows what that thing is saying. It’s such poor service in this place. It’s too crowded, too wet, and no one response to your requests. I mean really, who’s the manager of this joint cause I’ll file something somewhere. I mean it. I hope they don’t expect a tip from me. When I try to get some sleep, there’s always an earthquake waking me up. I hit the ceiling trying to make it stop. Sometimes it works sometimes not. Sometimes shadows go across the ceiling that looks like five sausages. Sometimes I follow it, sometimes I don’t. My roommate sucks more than just her thumb. I mean she’s so boring. It seems like she sleeps all the time. Really, how many sheep can you count in a day? Sometimes I kick her to see what will happen. Sometimes she kicks back. Sometimes she just turns her back. Hopefully I won’t have to see her again after I get out of here. There has to be more interesting things on the outside. Sometimes I feel a cool breeze and I get excited cause I think I’m about to get out. But then I realize it came from my butt or my neighbor’s butt. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I don’t. I like the following things about this place. One, the surround sound. It plays a cool beat, da dum, dad um. You can hear it at all different speeds. A bit repetitive but it works. Two, there’s this really cool sting that I can tug on when I want food. Watch I’ll do it. It takes a couple of minutes. Like I said, the service in this place is horrible. Do, do do do, do do do, do do dopy ey dope ey do do do do. Mmm chicken. Three, Umm, actually there’s only two. Yup, I think just two. Other than that it’s too crowded and wet, and my roommate sleeps all the time. Hmm, nothing really to do right now. Think I’ll take a nap.